I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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