my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're a waste of cheezeits
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
