That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
