bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
