When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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