Don't you send me to vm
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
