do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
