mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
