I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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