You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
