I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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