I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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