Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
