im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
