please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
