We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
