when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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