Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
