At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
