Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
