I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
