sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
