I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
