So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Green mimosas i think yes
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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