So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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