I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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