We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
