Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
