Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
