I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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