You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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