you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
