I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
