I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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