Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
