Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
