You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
