I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
