Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
