someone threw a dead crab at me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
