my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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