Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
