i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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