i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
