...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
