I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
