Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
