sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
