He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
