Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
