i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize