I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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