She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
