I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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