this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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