I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
