It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am spending my child support on dildos
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
