Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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