Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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