I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
