there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
did i just pee glitter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
