one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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