o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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