Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
