best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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