I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
