I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He felt like a one man threesome
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
