i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
