ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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