I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
