Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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