I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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