The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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