Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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