I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
