And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
